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JENNIFER'S GEMS
by Jennifer Brown Banks

The Five Cs of Successful Relationships

Dating can be difficult.  Going the distance can be virtually impossible if you don't start out with the right criteria to begin with.
But here's the good news: success in mating and dating is not rocket science.

You can experience the stuff that fairy tales are made of.

If you're looking to have a loving, lasting union in your present or future dating endeavors,
make sure that you recognize and embrace the 5Cs.

We've all seen it happen, and perhaps have witnessed it in our own dating   patterns. Sometimes differences can complement, sometimes they can detriment. It all depends on the areas of dissimilarity. But, here's something that you don't want to compromise on—core values.  In other words, if you're part of a closely knit        family, and he's a loner who is estranged from his, or he's an atheist and you're a       devout catholic, or you're a one man woman and he's a perpetual player, forget it.        You'd have better odds at the race track!    

2) Common Goals---Do you want two kids in the next two years? How does he feel about it? Are you a frugal person who's putting away savings to secure a home? Where does your partner stand on this issue?  If the two of you are on the “same page” there will be a lot more chapters to your love story.

3) Commitment---Are you in a situation where you're seeing someone until “the right person comes along?” Are you clueless as to what you're seeking in a mate? Do you have the emotional maturity to date just one individual? Do you suffer from the grass is always greener syndrome? These are areas of consideration. I was watching a show on TV with a couple who had vowed early on to never mention the word “divorce” in the midst of their marriage.  It worked, based upon their longevity.  In order for your relationship to go the distance, you have to be committed to being committed! 

4) Compromise---Every relationship takes give and take, be it professional or personal. In order for a union to be fulfilling and fair, you have to give a little to get a little. Doing so shows real maturity and respect for the other person's needs and personality traits. It's a “no-brainer.”  As someone who has often been the giver in relationships, I can attest that it really takes a toll on the person who is trying to  always do the accommodating. Try putting yourself in the other person's place sometimes.

5) Communication---Quality communication is crucial. And it's a two-way street.

And here are some additional things to consider:

• Don't expect your mate to be a mind reader---(unless he or she is a certified psychic). Express your needs and desires truthfully and with a degree of sensitivity. Remember it's not what you say but how you say it.
  
  
• Fight fair.  Some things spoken in anger can't be taken back, and can cause irreparable harm to your partner. Once respect is eroded, the road becomes rocky. Good topics to avoid would be the way his mother  keeps house, how his friends are sources of stress for you, and bedroom deficiencies.  You see where I'm going with this? :-) Practice prudence.
  
  
• Be a good listener---Misunderstandings are inevitable.  But they can be greatly minimized and overcome with proper listening habits.
  
  
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T---Find out what it means to me. Aretha Franklin said it best in her hit song from former decades.

Observe the 5cs and you'll be rewarded with many years of (c)elebrating love that others will emulate and envy!

Jennifer's Gems is a weekly column written by award-winning poet and writer, Jennifer Brown Banks. It is published every Wednesday. Click here to read her welcome letter.

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