Tip #1:
He chooses not to post a picture
of himself online, or he posts a picture that may
be very dark and difficult
to pick him out of a crowd.
Most married men do not want their picture out
there for everyone to see. They don’t want
to risk that slim chance that some one they know
could possibly recognize them. Instead of posting
their photos online, they may choose to email you
a picture to your personal email address. This
is much safer for them, because it is not likely
that you know someone that they know who could
recognize their photo.
Tip #2:
He will likely be
the one to initiate the first contact.
Online dating sites make it very easy for both men
and women to initiate first contact. It can be an even
split between you starting contact or the man starting
contact. But, in most cases, the married man will send
the first form of communication, whether that is a
chat message or a short email.
Married men often times
will use a short introduction and then immediately
ask you questions to better identify
your personality type. They will very rarely say
much about themselves and what they are like in
that first communication to you. Some married men
tend to have a ‘type’ that they are looking for, but
most of them just seek out someone who seems interesting
to them. They may also be in search of someone who
may seem very trusting and naïve, and someone
who could possibly be easily manipulated. These details
can be very difficult to ascertain for a married man
who is new to the online dating world, but there are
also ‘professional married men’ who
do have experience with online dating and deception,
and they know just the right questions to ask.
The first few communications shared are what they
use to decipher if you could be an easy target.
Tip #3:
He may be very irregular
or erratic about his responses back to you.
Obviously, married men have ‘family lives’,
so they may not be as available to get online and
respond to you as quickly as men who are single
and have lots of free time on their hands. If he
seems to be responding at set times (such as 10
PM weekdays) and his responses are very irregular
in the amount of days between emails, there is
a possibility that he has a wife and maybe even
kids at home that take up his time. It could also
be that he is just a very busy person with either
work or outside life events. But, this detail should
closely be watched and scrutinized when meeting
a new person online.
Tip #4:
He requests your phone number, but will not
give you his number.
Married men will usually request your phone number
fairly quickly after the first initial contact.
He may use a line like “Hey, I’d really
like to hear your voice on the phone. Could I get
your number?”
If
a man requests your number, but does not offer his
own in that same email or chat message, you may not
want to share your number with him just yet. It might
be a better idea to write back, requesting he share
his number with you first. Or you could choose to give
him a cell number instead (read this
article).
Whatever you decide to do, just be very
careful with your first initial phone conversation
with him. If
you have chosen to go ahead and give out your number
without getting his, be sure that you ask for his number
when he does finally call you. Chances are, that if
he is married, he is either calling you from a phone
other then his home phone, or he has some blocking
feature that will keep you from getting his number
if when you use the number call-back feature on your
phone (or call waiting).
Just because a man may not
offer his phone number when requesting yours, does
not necessarily mean that he
is married or has anything to hide. He may just be
one of those men who is very old fashioned, and refuses
to have the women make that first call. But, if he
is a believer in calling the woman first, he will more
than likely tell you that when he replies to your request.
He will probably also give you his number without any
qualms. If it is his home number that he gives you,
then you are probably pretty safe to assume that he
is likely not married.
Tip #5:
His calls to you are very irregular,
or are at set times.
You may be getting phone calls from him very frequently,
or maybe the calls are more irregular. Married men
have to call you on their own convenience. They may
choose to call you late on weekdays or weekends, or
they may call as soon as they get off work. They have
to schedule their times around their married lives
to make time to call you. Married men who work nights
tend to call women while they are on a break. This
could be very late in the evenings. Be very aware of
the times that he is calling you. Ask yourself questions,
such as
1) Does it always seem to be about
the same time that he calls?
2) Are the calls frequent, or do
they fluctuate?
3) Where is he calling you from?
Things like this
are ways to identify if he could possibly be leading
a double life.
Tip #6:
He will only share his cell number with
you.
Most men who have nothing to hide will share both
their cell phone number and home number with you.
They want to be available for your phone calls.
If a man will only give you his cell number, and
is not willing to share his home number with you,
then there should be red flags going up. If he
is married, then obviously he does not want you
calling him at home because there is too much risk
of his wife or children finding out about you.
Watch for him to use an excuse like that he is
never home, and that the cell is always on him,
thus being the “best way” to catch
him.
Tip #7:
You have his cellular number, but constantly
are forced to leave a message.
Again, this is a convenience thing for him. By
you leaving a message, it gives him time to schedule
when he can return your call, because more then
likely he is with his wife or with someone that
he does not want to know that he is having an affair.
You may even have to wait hours before he is able
to return your call, with some story about not
having his cell on him, or the phone being in a
place where he didn’t have
reception. If it takes quite a bit of time for
him to return your call, chances are that he is
busy with family or friends and does not feel safe
to make a quick call to you. Plus, he needs time
to work out a story he can tell you as to why he
did not answer, or why it took him so long to return
your call.
Tip #8:
He
won’t share his last name with you.
Married men tend to be very protective of themselves
and whom they allow to know their true full names.
They don’t want to give out their real last name
for the fear that you could look them up in the local
phonebook, or even find them in an online name search.
If he is unwilling to give you his last name, particularly
after you’ve entered into the phone phase
of your communication, another red flag should
be going up. You should be questioning why it is
that he will not tell you his last name.
Unfortunately, there are
married men out there who use aliases, so it is
all the more difficult for you
to detect if he is married or not. Trust your instincts,
and do a little searching of their names if they
give you a last name. You can even jokingly ask
to see his “driver’s
license” picture. If he gets real defensive then
he may have something to hide (besides an ugly driver’s
license photo).
Tip #9:
He is very secretive about where he
lives.
In the first couple of dates, it is very understandable
that neither party wants to share their home addresses.
But once you two start to see more of each other,
that question is definitely going to arise, especially
if you have entered or are in the process of entering
into an intimate relationship with him. He may
insist that he has roommates and would much rather
prefer to go to your place. He may also tell you
that his home is just not ready for company, meaning
that his maid has not shown up for weeks. But if
he keeps putting you off about seeing where he
lives, then chances are he is hiding something
from you – like a wife!
Tip #10:
He
does not divulge much info about himself or his family
and upbringing.
As you start to communicate more over the phone and
in person, you both really want to know more about
the other person and what kind of experiences your
partner has been through. Married men will do just
about anything to steer clear of that conversation
with you. They may turn the tables on you, and make
you tell them everything about yourself, and get you
to talking in order to turn the attention off of them.
Some men may just tell you that there is really nothing
to tell, and that they have lead a boring life up until
they met you. They may even try to change the subject
entirely, and get you focused on something completely
different. Ladies, if he is not willing to talk about
himself and his family and where he grew up, then he
is definitely trying to hide something from you, whether
that is his past, or his present.
Tip #11:
You never get the
chance to meet his friends or family.
When people are truly interested in someone, they are
extremely eager to share you with their friends and
family. They want to show you off to the people who
mean the most to them. With married men, this is not
the case for obvious reasons. They do not want you
to meet their friends or family, and they do not want
them to meet you. You are a secret in his life, and
you must stay that way. Instead, you will find that
you are sharing your friends and family with him. When
going out with other couples, they will be friends
of yours and not of his. Be very aware of this aspect
in your new relationship. If he is not willing to allow
you to even meet his friends, let alone his family,
then there is something wrong.
